Plato
He gave us the concept of “forms,” which are everlasting. A table will come and go, but the “form” table will last forever. And he’s also famous for the Plato Fun Factory.
He lived from 424-348 BC. He must have wondered: What are we counting down to?
Epicureans
Had little interest in logic. Like Fundamentalists.
Interested in senses, especially interested in avoiding pain.
Heavy emphasis on static pleasures like calm. So they were like Hedonist-Lite.
Hedonism
Pleasure is the most important pursuit. They says that pleasure alone makes life worth living.
“Pleasure alone?” Now “pleasure alone” I understand.
I’m not a lonely road comic, I’m a hedonist!
A hedonist strives to maximize this “total pleasure” (pleasure minus pain).
This math gets very tricky for the hedonistic masochists…
Every action should aim to maximize pleasure. This is WAY better than Catholicism.
And if you have HEdonism, you’ve got to have a SHEdonism.
In Shedonism you get pleasure too, it just takes longer to get there, and there’s a lot of guilt involved.
Relativism
That’s when you believe whatever your Grandpa says.
My own theory of relativity: If “t” if the time you spend with the lunatic parts of your family, 3t is what it FEELS like.
Buddhism
Marshmallows have a Buddhist quality.
If you leave a whole bunch of them in a bag for a long time- they become one again.
I met a Buddhist. It’s a hard concept for a Westerner. “So, we’re all one? I’m you and you’re me?” I tweaked my own breast and said “How does this feel?”
Agnosticism
Atheism with no balls.
Anarchism
No government. I see skate rat kids wearing anarchy T-shirts.
Well I can tell you this- with no government or social order, there’s nobody to build that skate park you’re in there, tough guy.
Against coercion and authority- government is the principal expression.
What are they so worried about? That someone will pull up their pants?
Nihilism
Rejection of all traditional values.
I thought that was called liberalism.
For them: Human existence is without objective meaning, purpose, or value. Enjoy those Corn Flakes America!
All knowledge is impossible
I’ve felt that way when I was trying to hook up the Tivo to the cable and the TV.
Marxism
Class struggle is what drives historical change
Great ideas: FROM each according to his means, TO each according to his needs.
But I think you have to reward people for good ideas and hard work, and I think life should be fun. So I’m more of a GROUCHO Marxist.
I just want to write a good joke about Cuba:
People say you can’t buy Cuban cigars- they’re communists.
Yeah well- the ashtray was made in China…
The Marx Bros. all grew up with the real last name Marx, and they changed their first names for show business.
Groucho was Julius. Harpo’s real name was Adolph. Can you imagine? Adolph Marx. That’s fun on the playground.
The weird thing- he had 3 middle names: Stalin, Hussein and Obama.
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