Let’s play “Words That Don’t Fit Together.” “Browns Won.” “Bills Won.” And my favorite: “Undefeated Falcons!”
I’m happy to say Atlanta is still perfect. Except for the traffic. And the Braves. And the crime. And the class warfare. The Hawks suck. Can’t keep a hockey team in town. The humidity in the summer…
The Falcons are dominating the league. And by “dominating,” I mean barely squeaking by some very bad teams. (It’s like taking candy from the Raiders)
Again, the Falcons pulled it out late. Like those dads on 16 and Pregnant.
Baseball fans in San Francisco prayed for the Giants to win. And I think God got confused. The Giants killed the Niners. The Giants were tougher on San Francisco than Leviticus.
So many underdogs won this week, Michael Vick tried to buy them for a fight.
Vick described his dog as “a member of our family.” Which means at some point that puppy’s going to be asked to take the rap for a felony.
Michael Vick carried a football around all week in meetings and at meals in an effort to improve his fumbling problems. No word on whether the dachshund under the other arm helped with his other issues.
They say Andy Reid is on the hot seat. Maybe he can shed a few pounds.
Philadelphia lost in overtime. Maybe because it’s such a union town. Players heard they weren’t getting time and a half, so they said, “Screw overtime!”
There’s finally someone running Washington that people can feel good about. Unfortunately it’s RG3.
Mike Shanahan said about his QB’s rushing, “He saw a hole and he took off.” Wait, are we talking about Tiger Woods? (He’s a golfer. He puts it in the hole)
Jets won with Sanchez, so I guess we’re not going to see much of Tim Tebow. Tebow has had more time on the bench than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
The Rams tried a 66-yard field goal at the end of their game. That’s a little far. He was so far away that the Republican Party wanted to see his green card.
Suspended Saints coach Sean Payton is coaching his son’s 12 year-old football team. If they take out the other QB- the whole team goes to Chuck E Cheese!
Aaron Rodgers scored with 6 different receivers. He should be a spokesperson for Ashley Madison.
The Texans looked off-balance on offense. They took more sacks than a vet at the humane society. (That is a LOT of sacks)
A former Bengals cheerleader who slept with one of her high school students pled guilty to sexual misconduct. Which was sad because she was the only Bengal on anyone’s fantasy team.